What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
