there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
