it was like eating out sand paper
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
