some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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