The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sacagawea was the original milf.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
