Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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