You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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