Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
