A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
