Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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