There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
