The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
