I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
