weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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