I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
