Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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