My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My pussy is not your playground.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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