I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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