im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did I show you my penis last night?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
3 2 1 whiskey
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
