thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize