Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
