Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
