guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
