Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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