Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Rumble strips road head = magical
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were trust falling into bushes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
