Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
