Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
