oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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