Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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