No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Green mimosas i think yes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
