Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
