forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
