last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize