the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
