im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
