My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
