I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
