i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
