i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize