I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize