I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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