Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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