John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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