bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
