Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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