You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
