everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
