We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize