He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
