twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
