Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
