She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
