I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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