need another drink. this is the easiest way
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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