Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize