Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
