This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize