i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
