y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
