Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
