You can't motorboat a personality
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
