this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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