those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
