in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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