Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
