What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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