yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
