I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
