She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
