'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
