Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
