Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
