Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
