we have officially lost it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
